Jammy

swtgurlxox @ 2004-12-27T17:24:00

2004-12-28T01:42:46Z

its been awhile, but since im procrastinating, i might as well babble nonsense for awhile, or stream of consciousness. my dad was just in here yelling at my sister and i grammatically incorrectly too to make things worse, but then this statement has grammar issues. my mom has been on me to get married or engaged or something, and the more i look at us as in my family unit, the more i realize how dysfunctional we are. i know i should be saying this on a random online journal and i doubt anyone really cares, but it just helps me clear my mind at least for the time being. i mean yes, there are divorced and separated families, but my family clearly is insane. my mother has insecurity issues, weight issues, and god knows what else. my dad is so stubborn that he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he is human and capable of error. my grandmother is still with the idea of a society where she rules and so everything MUST be done her way. after not living with my parents for the past 5 years, compromise is hard enough. believe me the israeli/palestinian conflict is nothing compared to the verbal outbursts in this family. so yes, my dad was screaming at my sister and i about a science research project that my sister has been assigned for school. since im supposedly intelligent due to my prestigious university attendance, i was delegated to help her. i worked with her to come up with an outline on solar energy and etc. only to have my dad yell himself purple. essentially it was only a format conflict. he wanted the introduction, the body, the presentation of the hypothesis, etc. whereas i had stated the problem, the hypothesis, etc. first. i tried to reason and explain this to him only to have say okay if you know better, then you figure it out with her as my sister hides beneath a sweater to drown out our "lingo." esp. since my dad has lectured me on points of view this past week, i find it rather hypocritical that he did not even try to comprehend what i was saying because if he did, he would be so upset by all this. the level of comprehension makes me wonder at times whether or not we speak the language. yes, literally, we both speak either mandarin or english, but god...i just cannot get through to him, is it the generation gap, the environmental factors that influenced our characters, or what? if anyone has any ideas, please enlighten me. maybe i should pick up sign language or something, hes not much for interpretative dance. ever look at a word and it looks weird to you...anyways, other factors on my mind. the idea of the new year always strikes fear in me because i hate getting old. i associate old with the 20s, which i know is absurd, but still..adding to that list botox, and just overall a physical deterioration of the body and perhaps even mental. it seems like, the older you get, the more stressed and responsibilities one has. a 50 year old cannot really go run around a field pretending to be an airplane without raising some eyebrows whereas a 5 year old can do it and be aww-ed. knowing me, i probably will be that 50 yr old crazy loon frolicking around because marriage does not seem to be suited towards me. adoption yes. family yes..husband no. new years resolutions are always the same: lose 10 pounds, find a serious boyfriend, stop dillydallying, be a better person, etc. maybe i am just inherently a bad person and salvation is not for me. i mean, i really like stilettos and as much as i try, i cannot seem to stop drooling over the perfect proportions...meaning im usually broke, and one day, will have to live with my shoes in the street because i refuse to part with them. i tried one day going through my collection to ebay some of them or what not, but alas, no luck. each one is just so special in its own lil box...okay, im starting to sound deranged. guys..yes, i get the hollas and the hooting and the catcalling by vendors and other interesting characters, but never anything serious. my friend remarked to me that i did not seem to be the type to be serious...maybe i should invest in glasses and i dont know...recently at a club i was dancing w. this very nice man who could not dance like diego luna, but otherwise was very nice, handsome, etc. i told him i would catch him later so i could jump around like an idiot by myself. then i started dancing w. this other guy who i assumed to be gay because no straight male has ever made such a display of himself in my experience and my girls will back me up in saying they thought it was safe. it was a lot of fun being extremely stupid w. this guy until i realize he was straight when he stuck his hands down my pants, and end of discussion. then i saw the first guy i had been dancing with looking at us with such a hurt expression. it really jolted me that i could hurt someone so unintentionally. i was only looking for a dance partner, but still the expression is rather vivid in my mind. he must think i am such a slut. whoever coined that word should be shot. it leaves a nasty after taste. i will not continue this either. now that ive lost focus on what it is that i was supposed to be contemplating, i guess ill go do something productive like stare at my organic chem book and wish that i knew all the material in there rather than read it because ill be too busy envisioning some other design that i have no patience to create except in theory. happy holidays, sorry about this long-winded entry. miss you all. xoxo

swtgurlxox @ 2004-09-06T18:25:00

2004-09-06T22:26:32Z

If LJ Was a High School by Karen_Walker
Username
Principal	singinguasong
Lunch Lady	calichickinluv
Head Cheerleader	crazyskippy
Quarterback	sybila
Prom Queen	stork690
Gang Member	the_influence
Band Geek	polkadottedhero
Theatre Geek	twistedparadise
Chess Club Captain	bicardisilver02
Loner Goth Kid	geancanach
Class Clown	bicardisilver02

Quiz created with MemeGen!

this is rather amusing.

swtgurlxox @ 2004-09-03T08:11:00

2004-09-03T12:16:17Z

so yes i am updating...*shock* anywho im back @ vassar and its not as bad as i imagined it to be, probably because im incredibly busy running around, amazingly im actually really happy right now. i got to talk to my dinosaur and hes just wonderful. i see him and i smile. i dont know what im going to do w/o him if i go abroad. i was thinking this morning of my italian boy, god..he was just so sexy, everything, from the minute i saw him, to dancing w. him, hes excellent. everything, its just i wish i could see him again, but our one night was priceless. him sitting at a table with friends, him standing up and us just staring at each other, well me looking up cuz he was like half a foot taller than me. i remmeber how much i just wanted him to stay, and talk, but then he had to go, and we kissed...awww...lol. yeah italian boys arent really my thing, im still looking for prince charming...listening to the lifehouse CD, and its amazing. ive forgotten how much i enjoy listening to it. anywho im going to go buy paper clips. xoxo

swtgurlxox @ 2004-07-07T20:49:00

2004-07-08T03:50:56Z

hey guys...my laptop crashed so i lost all of my pictures stored on here so if any of you have any chatham or pics of ppl i know, email them to me please xoxo jigeng@vassar.edu. thank you, esp. becca if you have the pictures of us from formal and then any grad pics too. love u all

swtgurlxox @ 2004-05-18T07:20:00

2004-05-18T11:23:10Z

so yes...matt made me watch that movie of that american contractor who got his head sawed off...and now that entire episode wont leave my mind. it makes me so sick. at the same time that i know its real, it seems so not real. humanity is sick. they literally just sawed him head off and held it up. my god. before that they made him talk about his family, etc. i feel so sick. thank god that annie kept me sane until 3 in the morning, and then i went back to my room to sleep, but i couldnt because it is still in my head. i wish everyone would just stop,

swtgurlxox @ 2004-04-26T00:40:00

2004-04-26T04:40:57Z

i have no idea what exactly is wrong w. me...im just hurting myself, and i dont understand why. unfortunately i cant feel anything, and theres no one at vassar who cares.

swtgurlxox @ 2004-04-23T08:16:00

2004-04-23T15:20:07Z

life has been crazy. between work, working out, hanging, and god knows what else...i hardly have time to breathe. luckily rooming w. basse senior year helps because we obviously never slept unless it was through class or chapel or some other required event neither one of us wanted to go to. i miss her :( moving on, i am so incredibly sore from the jamaican dancing workshop, modern dance class, and ballet...and then this person stepped on my toe and just stood on it so now my pointe is kind of off. how do people just stand on other people and not realize it!?!?!? the great thing is last night i got to dance w. my very hot french guy friend. he is so incredibly ugh...i just want to jump you type. his name is charles, and he lives in paris. i just sit and listen to him talk, its wonderful. the only problem is that he likes guys, but i can overlook that because hes still mine, but i love jordan too. my poor baby, hes stressed due to work, etc. god...just breathe. i did buy him milano cookies double chocolate and clammy mint chocolate too. to end this pointless entry, matt is so f. ugh.

swtgurlxox @ 2004-02-18T07:21:00

2004-02-18T15:22:00Z

The Guardian
Adventure, thrill seeking, loyal, with high goals
for themselves, and equally high standards for
society. They protect what they stand for, and
those that cannot stand up for themselves.

A unique perspective on one's inner self: who are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

paul, franceso, ian...

return to vassar...

2004-01-20T18:34:10Z

im waiting for my friend, annie, to finish her grooming so we can go EAT, but yeah...shes still in the bathroom. nothing exciting has happened yet, but i suppose since its pretty much my last semester here so ill make the best of it, and try to get to know more people. yesterday was pretty great, dan is really cute, but metrosexual or nonsexual. i folded jordan's laundry for him; i missed him so much, and then this girl mia gave me an evil look because i was in jordan's room, hello he doesnt like girls...but i guess possessiveness extends to every arena. i think im going to try to spend more time w. him because theres just a connection, karma mb? ok, shes ready, love you

swtgurlxox @ 2003-12-28T19:53:00

2003-12-29T00:47:14Z

Hopeless Flirt

What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

swtgurlxox @ 2003-12-22T18:08:00

2003-12-22T23:03:13Z

You are a PROFESSIONAL Flirt!

All you need is a bedroom to change clothes in, and out comes – Superflirt!

You’re always successful and you always get your man.

That’s because you have oodles of experience.

Yes, you flirt full-time.

If it paid in dollars, you’d be a rich woman.

But it pays in other ways and you’ve got the jewelry to prove it.

You’re proud of your professional accomplishments, including the long trail of wounded men in your wake.

Nobody does it better, Honey. And don’t you forget it.

What Kind of Flirt Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

wink wink...lol. no wonder theres not a boy in my life...yum godiva. hehe...

swtgurlxox @ 2003-12-21T09:02:00

2003-12-21T14:07:10Z

okay its the holidays sexiness-es...so im going to list everything that i already have that makes me so orgastically or orgasmically happy. sometimes its about giving and receiving, but it should also be about what makes YOU happy, just not at the expense of others.

1. ballet...ever since i started it this semester and i resembled the random dancing hippo-tress in fantasia, its made my day. the rond de jambe, the assemble, the cissons, etc. overwhelm me. i could do barre exercises forever, trying to perfect the motion, and convey feeling through it. its revolutionized my life truly because now ive been introduced into a new world full of lines and structure and its devastatingly beautiful.

2. lying on my bed able to trace my hip bones...for some reason it relaxes me, and i love it. reminds me of art except ill never be displayed in a museum, unless there are some artists out there hint hint...hehe.

3. kind of like the one above, my collarbones. my inclination is to outline their curvature whenever im bored or thinking etc.

4. rain. its so so liberating. when i hated vassar w. a passion, i used to go running in the rain. made me feel more in touch w. nature, wanted me to be an amazon...proud, toned, and slightly dangerous ;)

5. wishbone's honey dijon dressing...lol...i know, as a previous chatham girl, my world does indeed revolve around food...lol. this dressing is sensational, try it...esp. on a versailles salad and cherry tomatoes with a separate dish of mandarins on the side.

6. friendship, so cliche, but true. i dont think i could live w/o my friends. sometimes i feel closer to them than family just because we are all on the same level. rousseau writes, "man is born free, yet everywhere in chains." its a social contract, an exchange of responsibility that we will not live in loneliness, exclusion for the rest of our lives though that has been tempting. esp. after boarding school and college, my friends are all over the country. heres my shoutout to all of you, I LOVE YOU ALL! "just call my name, and ill be there."

your turn. let me know some things that make you happy.

swtgurlxox @ 2003-12-20T15:26:00

2003-12-20T20:22:50Z

my family is so amazingly bizarre...so my dad called the management of kentucky fried chicken because they forgot to give us an extra strip of fried chicken...4 instead of 5...approximately 6 inches in length wow...

on another note, i met a lot of really hot guys at the gym today...the other side of that was that i wasnt interested. instead im all about the singleness...time to go out. xoxo sexification time!

swtgurlxox @ 2003-12-19T19:08:00

2003-12-20T00:09:03Z

hi welcome to victorias secret...lol. my current line, i love it though despite the hours and the feet hurting, etc. it really does take up my time, and allows me to fall into this semi robotic mode where all i do is help others, not thinking for myself for once. i think im in a i dont know what the hell is going on stage, im just having doubts about certain things, and everyone seems to be together for the holidays, and its me, myself, and a huge bag of hersheys...perfect holiday. my perfect relationship consists of me, a 6inch sandwich= grilled chicken, lettuce, teriyaki sauce, tomato, slice of american cheese OR salad= grilled salmon teriyaki sauce, garden salad and balsamic vinagrette and a DVD. im doing great. so yes, i got offered a contract to model...i dont know, they told me i should lose about 10-15 more lbs so that would make me 5'7 and 100-115, not too bad. i mean i dont really have anything else to do, etc. but who knows...lets see how x-mas goes..esp. now w. all the chocolate...right...i love my NEW gym though, since i workout every day @ college, now that im home and w/o a gym, its been driving me crazy...so i joined :) i love it...i love the ellipticals, the treadmills, all of it..i enjoy the ectasy of pain, getting to the end of each workout, and feeling accomplished. besides work, working out, and reading...my life is non-existent. no complications thank you god! happy holidays everyone. much love from me. mwah

swtgurlxox @ 2003-11-29T10:44:00

2003-11-29T15:44:35Z

Jessica Rabbit

Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok i think im def. going out of my mind...maybe its because im currently reading a 174 page french manuscript and im freaking because i have to start my 12-15 page analysis of it in french...i think my eng. has gotten so much worse since i learned french because now i cant spell in english, esp. with names such as eleonore...anyways after freaking out for about a couple of hours because i thought becca hated me (i hope you dont) and because i was so happy that i finally patched things up w. loe...and i promise i will not be so incredibly stupid again, if i am, someone smack me please. seriously sometimes i just need a hint of reality because im constantly off in my little world. its gotten so bad lately that ive stopped noticing people like the time i walked smack into some girl and didnt realize it until my friend was like yeah...u just walked into someone, hello...hm...dont understand why...then i always accumulate bruises from i dont even know where like on my big toe?!?!?!? how weird is that...mysticism... mb i just need a break, but SO MUCH FREAKING WORK...at least next semester will be easier since im only taking languages...and ballet...and auditing a chem and psych class...hm...lacking moderation...xoxo...love you all

swtgurlxox @ 2003-11-29T00:10:00

2003-11-29T05:07:06Z

Which Silver Screen Siren are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

o yes...love you all...french is kicking my ass majorly

swtgurlxox @ 2003-11-28T20:40:00

2003-11-29T01:49:12Z

im going my nostalgic phase...or im just avoiding writing my 3 papers. im really thinking about taking a year off and going off to morocco or some other romantic ass place to dream my life away...actually im thinking about transfering to UCLA because this east coast weather w. its rain and dreary lack of sunshine is not cutting it. i guess im feeling inadequate again, just not knowing what exactly im doing. i mean my classes are going great, my technique in art and ballet is progressing so fast that my dance teacher thinks ill be ready for pointe soon, which blew my mind. of course i do go to dance class 6 days a week, and then i practice at least 3 hours per week by myself or under instruction of someone else advanced. im loving it though. also i work out 3 hours a day with mona so thats great...i feel like i should be doing more though. im doing this domestic violence project, raising money for womens shelters, etc. going to be in washington to march for roe v. wade, which is going to be orgastic. for once im going to be active...lol. socially...there are boys, im just not interested any more. they cause too many issues so im avoiding them, but as long as i have all my woodberry friends, my ryan, my jordan, and my international ones, im happy. i guess its not that bad to be alone...i really dont mind it anymore. i mean my friend annie has a bf, and my friend clammy has potentials, but it just sucks because i know that in some ways i do bother them when i meet the guys they're dating. i just need to stop freaking seducing everyone, and its up to the point where i dont notice anymore...its like every look i give someone is enough. ive gotten more than enough offers from both sexes to fuck around, but im just not into that. i want something solid again, i miss having a relationship...lol. i know i didnt expect this from me, miss i eat boys for breakfast lunch dinner with about 3 snacks throughout the day. i think im just getting more serious. o virm, im taking german next semester! yay...and italian too. since i can afford to, im just taking all language classes, and then over the summer im taking arabic. im determined to know at least 7 languages fluently before im 21...so thats about 3 years, im confident ill be okay. i like having a lot of work, it really does take up my time, and i can concentrate on things that matter. i love you all though, very very very very very much, in case i didnt tell ya'll before. xoxo jammie

swtgurlxox @ 2003-11-26T08:53:00

2003-11-26T16:54:27Z

la di da...hehe, i figured i should write something since i never post, but thats besides the point. college is going well...i have wonderful friends, real, imaginery, and virtual ones...lol. o...have to go

swtgurlxox @ 2003-08-15T19:04:00

2003-08-15T23:06:22Z

Your Name: Jiemei Geng
Your Date of Birth: 11/15/1985
Your Question or Information: What exactly am I destined to accomplish?

Past

Berkana - Growth, abundance, fertility, Mother Earth, protection, the zenith of an idea or situation.

Present

Ehwaz - Abrupt changes, moving into new home and environment, travel, swift change in situation.

Future

Ing - Fertility, successful conclusion to issue or situation, ending one cycle and beginning another.

Cast the runes here:
Rune Caster

camp is almost over....one of my fav. girls left today...tear...college is starting...i miss you all....

swtgurlxox @ 2003-08-05T17:56:00

2003-08-05T21:57:25Z

You are garnet
You sometimes seem like a snobby and bossy person, but really, you are always thinking about other people before thinking about yourself.

take this quiz!

ugh...i cant believe camp is almost over...thats sad. ive actually had fun.

swtgurlxox @ 2003-07-19T11:22:00

2003-07-19T18:40:39Z

todays my mom and dad's 21st anniversary. dad's renovating some house for one of his friends in north carolina so its just me, mom, and lisa. lifes getting pretty simple nowadays. ive decided not to do my miss new york pageant any more because its not what i want to do, and even if i did it, i wouldnt do a very good job. moms actually agreeing and letting me do whatever. shes even agreeing to letting me stop my recent modeling job. its tempting to stay on w. that though since they want to send me to europe next year, but i decided that although i would get some good money, i dont think i could handle it. if i were in europe i would be closer to andy, but then i would be wasting a lot of time when i could be intellectually stimulated, etc. mom and dad were separated for 8 years, and still they stayed together. ive only been separated for about more than a month from andy, and i dont know what to do. hes so incredibly swt. he writes me every single day.

hey darling, we just got back from a fair and it was so incredibly much fun. rick and austin used the fact that theyre americans to talk to people and we def. drank way too much...im really tired right now and i think rick and austin are already asleep. i love you so incredibly much jiemei, i hope you had a great trip and youre having fun without me. because even though we know that were not able to move on we still need to try to have fun and enjoy life. its so hard without the person im so absolutely in love with but i have to make the best out of it. im going to go to sleep now, you know i love you so much, i love you forever

-andy

i dont know how i could ever say no to that. do you ever have that feeling that you should not be doing something, yet you want to do it so badly but you're just hanging off the edge because you know that if you actually go through w. it, you'll lose a lot. its really ridiculous, but i know if i ever became really serious w. andy, ill lose a lot of my dreams because then he would matter a lot more and i could never force him to live a life that he wouldnt appreciate. hes too real for all that, he wouldnt want to get involved in "society." i know he would do anything for me even if it meant stuffing himself in a tux or a nice suit w. matching pants and all that jazz every night, and having polite conversation w. truly obnoxious people, but i dont want him to do anything that wouldnt make him happy. right now, however, i dont really care. i just want to see him again. i know that hes not 3 years older than me, he isnt accomplished, and he isnt as obsessed w. intellect as i am. he just smiles and laughs and takes what life gives him. i dont know, seeing him just makes me happy because along w. all the ugliness of life, hes one of those people who always sees the bright side of life. though it can be annoying at times and i know i did things to provoke him and worry him and make him sad, etc. he still loves me. the weirdest thing is that he thinks the world of me, and im really not all that amazing. its so weird because i could imagine doing all these things w. him...even having a family. scary i know. me whos like all about independence, etc. i hate relationships, huxley had the right idea...lol. im too young to be thinking about all this...i want to see the world first, but...ugh. too complicated so im going to stop thinking about it. proust is so much easier to understand.

swtgurlxox @ 2003-07-15T05:05:00

2003-07-15T09:12:18Z

its freaking early, so im bored and doing this, thanks whit n virm. love to ya both.

If I were a stone, I would be: smooth pebble living in a freshwater environment
If I were a tree, I would be: willow tree
If I were a bird, I would be: phoenix
If I were an insect, I would be: spider
If I were a machine, I would be: blender
If I were a tool, I would be a(n): screwdriver
If I were a fruit, I would be a: strwbry
If I were a flower, I would be a: sterling rose
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: hurricane
If I were a mythical creature, I would be a: siren
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a: harp
If I were a kind of profession, I would be a: social worker
If I were an animal, I would be a: platypus
If I were anything in the world, I would be: a pink air bubble
If I were a color, I would be: fuschia
If I were a fragrance, I would be: the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven
If I were an emotion, I would be: rush of adrenaline, psyched
If I were a state or feeling, I would be: tripping
If I were a vegetable, I would be a: a leaf of mint
If I were a sound, I would be a: echo of a ripple in water
If I were an element, I would be: fire
If I were a car, I would be a: silver jaguar w. black leather interior
If I were to trade places with another person, it would be: audrey hepburn
If I were a food, I would be: sinfully orgastic

that made a lot of sense....going on a trip.

swtgurlxox @ 2003-07-06T06:26:00

2003-07-06T13:35:06Z

yeah went shopping w the parentals yesterday, my parents went crazy in ann taylor for me, said i needed some professional clothes. i ended up wearing mostly 4's, which gave mom an excuse to buy me all these really nice pants. i was like ok whatever. then we went shopping for my lil sis, and i ended up being able to wear stuff at her store...i got really cute tennis shoes size 6...lol. i wonder if my feet are shrinking, at candies there were the sexiest strappy stilettos that mom refused to buy or let me buy. o well, mb some years later. i really want to be 5'7 or taller, and im already 38, 25, 33 but it would be pretty cool if i was 38, 23, 33 or something. someone offered me some modeling contract, but i doubt ill do it. im looking forward to finishing undergrad in 3 years or less. hopefully there, ill find some sort of intellectual stimulation since ryan is so far from me. i cant believe ill finally be away from all these chatham people, but of course sybil and virm and mb becca will come see me :) virm will be close so thats good, that makes me happy, we can go have sushi or something :) on the guy scene, im not really interested in anyone. andy writes me every single day, and more and more hes becoming my best friend, moreso than zach, ben, ryan, and aaron. ive been so busy w. work, but its really good because at least i have something to do. im rethinking doing my pageant, perhaps i wont. we'll see when time comes, but all my girls are so adorable. they think im the prettiest and nicest counselor...lol..probably because im just way too lenient on rules, and i dont really want to yell at them. i really miss d.s. and my talks w. him. i mean talking on the phone is cool and all, but he hates talking on the phone and its not the same w/o Audrey, and now theres another new pup i wont even get to play with. i wonder how montse, the vietors corgi, is doing, she was my absolute best friend for the first two miserable years of high school. i dont know, at the moment im pretty blah. i want college to start or something. i have all my lil barbies that mere and krystal bought for me as a joke, and i miss them so much too. who knows, mb something exciting will happen. lots of love

swtgurlxox @ 2003-06-26T05:57:00

2003-06-26T13:01:37Z

hehe...havent updated, what can i say...my life's not very exciting. at school i studied, studied, hung out, studied...thats about it...now at home i work work work work and hang out. sounds familiar. ny is hot...descriptive i know. im just enjoying my lack of time and mb one day ill go out and meet some people. lots of love

swtgurlxox @ 2003-06-17T22:34:00

2003-06-18T02:35:48Z

kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

sorry for not updating...been really busy w. magazine internship and other things going on...check out my online mag though that im working for, its really awesome the people and everything about it is great...www.zoozoom.com